Miscellaneous
For the first time in a long time, I felt completely and wholly unappreciated today. I worked really really hard, and didn't get anywhere. A thank you would have been nice, but I guess that would have been too much to expect. It's just frustrating, you know. I've been in jobs where it happens all the time, and you learn to shrug it off eventually, but your work sometimes gets noticed. When it does, you feel like a million dollars, and that you're the best darned.....whatever you are.
Today I was an enemy. I had an unfair and untrue judgement against me from the moment I walked through the door. It was going to be a long day.
I just wanted to keep her and her baby healthy. It may not have been exactly as she envisioned it in her head, but in the end, the baby came out happy and healthy. I tried to accommodate her plan as much I could. We didn't even have to go to the OR. Didn't matter though. I was the enemy.
Anyways. I should get a gold star.
I finally got a hold of AMA. My car hasn't started since Sunday night. My wait time for a boost is 24-48 hours....it's a good thing I don't work tomorrow. I just hope they don't come early Friday morning, as I start a stint of nights again.
So PRi has finally left for her vacation, which I have to say I am fighting every urge to get up and meet her in Orlando. I'm sure she'll have a great time, with the sun, and warm, and beaches, and Caribbean, and Disney World, and sun, and warm........*drool*
Stewie and I will have a great time by ourselves. Hopefully he doesn't get all stressed out. I may need to get more litter, then. Maybe I'll bring Bear over for company.
Gong show
I hate winter.
Have I ever told you that? The only thing I look forward to during the winter months is Christmas...and Christmas is long gone. But most particularly I hate the cold. Snow doesn't really bother me, and though the lack of sunshine makes me sad sometimes, I just don't like the cold.
I went to bed last night, knowing it was going to be cold, so my car was dutifully plugged in, and I had leftover stew packed for lunch today. I even set my alarm earlier so that I would have enough time to get to work with the icy roads. But low and behold my car wouldn't start. :(
Too close to the time I needed to be at work, I couldn't wait around for AMA to come boost my car, and I knew grabbing a cab would be out of the question. So I bundled up as good as any Canadian could, with my toque and scarf and long underwear and 3 pairs of socks, and walked to the nearest bus station. The bus that goes by my apartment only runs once an hour, so waiting for that one wasn't going to happen. Instead I braved the windchill of -54 (Celsius or Fahrenheit, its COLD) and walked to the bus terminal. I made it to work on time with all my fingers and toes thank goodness. At least I didn't call in sick. I needed the money.
Of course it would so happen that on the coldest day of the year when I'm wearing long underwear beneath my scrubs, the thermostat in the OR breaks. It's 28 degrees and humid during a stat C-section, and I'm in danger of passing out. So is the obstetrician. Not a pretty scene.
I have a headache. I still can't get a hold of AMA. Apparently their emergency road service line is busy. And has been for several hours. Hmm....
I'd disappear to some random warm destination, but I can't get to the airport...even the taxis won't go there today.
On a lighter note, I had a very relaxing birthday last week. I worked a day shift, but afterwards went for an awesome dinner at the Sawmill. I've been craving a steak for a while. Mmm..... We then headed back to mom's for cake and gifts. A quiet evening, but it was nice. I got some gift cards and movies, and new speakers for my computer. My monitor has built-in speakers that remind me of the old "mono" sound quality of older TVs, so new speakers were definitely in order. Oh, and a new mug from PRi that I obviously had to christen with tea the next morning. Mmmm...tea.
I think I'm going to make myself some tea.
Awake early
Ok, so I realize my clock says it's 5:30am, and not only do I get out of bed, but I turn on my computer for some last minute, guilt-driven reading. Stupid. You'd think I would roll over and fall back asleep, being grateful that I still have 30 glorious minutes until my alarm goes off. But no, that would be the smart thing to do.
But why get up at all? And what's this about reading?
When I started working, I missed out on an introductory "course" about obstetrical risk that is mandatory for me to take. Two years later, I am now taking said course, though on short notice, and after a stint of night shifts. I have had barely enough time to sleep, let alone re-read the 15 online chapters of information. So of course I feel guilty, seeing as I'm supposed to be continuing my education, and professional responsibility and all that jazz, so I've been trying to skim over what I will need for my course today.
And my course is at the Alex.
Not that there is anything wrong with that..............
I told PRi yesterday that I will wonder around with my Tim's tea and find my class room. I can picture myself doing just that....while avoiding some people I don't want to bump into lol. And I have this morbid curiosity to see where my fourth-year clinical instructor is now. If she even still is an instructor. *shudder*
Ok, maybe not. I should go shower now. And dream of the possibility of booze when I get back home......
Lady luck please let the dice stay hot
I'm sad to say I'm still feeling exhausted since my last post, and I haven't yet figured out why I'm not sleeping properly. Nevertheless, I am still prodding on with life because I know that things won't hold off until I get a decent night's sleep. My worst day/night was last Friday. I had last weekend off work, so I was looking forward to some much needed time with my bed and pillow. How little did I know I would be wrong. Very wrong indeed.
PRi's company Christmas party was also last Saturday at the Fairmont Hotel MacDonald, and as her guest, I was super excited to be going. I had never been there despite living in Edmonton for over 17 years. PRi and I decided to take advantage of the group rate and stay overnight Saturday and indulge in Sunday brunch. It was a mini-vacation, and I loved it! Friday night came, and although I was very tired and went to bed early, I did not sleep. I'm sure you've had those nights where it seems as if you got a hour of sleep, and spent the night tossing and turning. I know I have, but this night was different. I was awake and spent the night moving from my bed to the couch in a valiant effort to fall asleep somewhere.
Needless to say, by the time PRi and I got to the Christmas party, I had been up for 28 hours. Despite every ounce of my body aching to find a comfortable bed to curl up on, PRi and I headed down to the ballroom for the party.
I am extremely glad that I still went to the party, because I wasn't disappointed. The hotel was spectacular! It was like stepping into a different time and place, forgetting that you were on Jasper Ave in the middle of winter. I was impressed with everything, and therefore headed to the party in a great mood. The party itself was fantastic, from the hotel staff, to the food, to the people actually celebrating. I knew some of the people who were there, so I didn't feel completely out of place. There were a lot of laughs, and generally everyone had a great time. I opted out on most of the coveted cheesecake, though, simply for the fact that I had the same ones in my freezer. But otherwise had a fantastic time.
During the night, there were draws for door prizes. PRi and I joked about some of the prizes and how we would end up with the signed Oilers hat that wouldn't go with my Smitty jersey, or the gun scope that neither of us would use, or the golf shirts that PRi has hanging in her room somewhere. I missed out on the draw for PRi's prize, however, because I had decided to skip out on the dance, and head to bed. At 33 and a half hours awake, I was getting delusional, not to mention a serious headache that PRi's pharmacy of drugs couldn't cure. So I went upstairs to the suite we had reserved, and promptly fell solidly asleep.
Until 4:30am.
I then awoke to find PRi tossing and turning in her bed much like I have been the previous....many days. She proceeded to tell me she hasn't fallen asleep yet, but may have had an explanation for this. You see, PRi's door prize ticket was the last to be drawn, and so therefore she won the grand prize. A trip for two to Vegas! Fully awake now, we both laughed ourselves silly at the thought of the prize. I asked her what hotel were we going to stay at....but does it really matter? Then I laughed again, saying that ~assuming~ I was going, I wanted to have a Paris buffet. oops. PRi laughed at me..."of course you are going, didn't you hear me that WE are going to Vegas?" LOL
Not that I was already planning to go this year :):)
Tired
I got home from work today seriously thankful that I work in an area of nursing where I am almost guaranteed not to see the same patient two shifts in a row. I'm sure all of you have had those days where you are watching the clock practically move backwards, slowly counting the minutes until you leave and never have to see the person who is driving you nuts ever again. Well, unless you work with them everyday, then it's bad news I suppose.
*sigh*
But anyways. I guess otherwise I am doing alright. Just tired as usual on my string of night shifts. I got to work yesterday and found the year's vacation planner already up. I put in my request right away, saddened by the fact that 3 people are already asking for the same week off (and they have more seniority), and the planner will be up until March. Hopefully things will work out, though. It becomes harder and harder to trade your weekend night shifts...especially in the summer.
So yeah and stuff. Not much else, really. I'm just kinda biding my time trying to keep myself awake before I work again. My car is semi-fixed and working thank goodness, and I didn't have to spend $1800. I can at least drive to the edge of the parking lot without it overheating now. Yay! My apartment is strangely quiet, after a rather busy Christmas and New Years and the neighbours' discovery of Guitar Hero with a new sound system. Thanks PRi, for letting them know I work nights! lol :) So with this new found quietness, I am also getting really sleepy. I suppose a nap couldn't hurt.....
The obligatory post
Another year has come and gone, and though I've done my best to forget this fact, I still find myself looking back at what 2007 brought....and what it meant. I swore last year that I wouldn't go making New Year's resolutions, and I don't intend to right now, and besides, that's not what this post is all about.
I had said before that I don't like New Years all that much. I originally wasn't going to explain, but for some reason or another, I feel compelled to put my thoughts and feelings out there, no matter how silly or childish or stupid they seem. This is my blog. This is why I write. I can't tell you when I started to feel this way about ringing in a new year. It seems to be rather confusing when you think about it.....wouldn't you think that a new year also means a new beginning...a new start on life? You get a new perspective on things, swear to yourself that you would fill your life with hope and happiness, and to seize the day. But then what happens?
Why not treat every single day like it was New Year's day? Every day should be worth living, not just one day out of the year.
And so here I am, contradicting my opinion. Well, not really. Looking back at 2007 doesn't necessarily mean that I am a hypocrite. Or maybe it does. No point on worrying about that now.
Last year I talked about not making resolutions for the year, but make them for every day. Instant results....who wouldn't want that? By taking this on, I learned a lot about who I am and who I could be. Strange, really. Did I unconsciously make a resolution not to make them, and in so doing, made a resolution that lead to self-discovery? Somehow I think so. In the process of not making a resolution for the upcoming year, I ended up thinking more about the present. I stopped worrying about a lot of things I couldn't control. I took time for myself when I could, but still shouldered a lot of responsibility. This last point is one I am very proud of. It's not often you'll hear me say I'm proud of myself, but I am learning to do that too. I'm beginning to balance my life in a way that makes me happy...though there is always room for improvement hahahaha.....
For example, the profession I am in is a stressful one. I am always learning, always trying to improve myself, always trying to be safe, and always trying to keep the passion that I have for it alive. But I can't live and breathe work. Another part of me needs to get out and play. So what have I done to satisfy this? I have travelled. A lot. So maybe the NBA All-Star weekend wasn't the best time to go to Vegas...and arriving at O'Hare airport
on Thanksgiving was ridiculous....and despite the dollar being so good, Toronto cost me a pretty penny. But the memories I had with friends and family at my side, and what I felt is worth more than I can ever say. At the beginning of last year, I would have been really hard on myself for taking so many trips. I've grown up a bit more now. I'm investing in RRSPs and a pension, and moved into an apartment after swallowing my pride and realizing I shouldn't buy a condo right now.
So here's to another year of not making resolutions, but to continue to explore the person I am and who I am becoming....and to never stop living.
